Chapter 1: itblobboy
“Update 6.66 is now out! New halberd released, can be won from slots! Enjoy!”
The number alone should’ve been enough to set off numerous alarms. And for most people, it was enough to convince them that the halberd wasn’t worth the hours of grinding for slots money, with a slim chance of getting it.
But of course, itblobboy had to get it. It was his prime weapon, and even though it was very noob-oriented, itblobboy could not resist the attraction of the halberd.
Itblobboy spent over 10 billion on slots to get that elusive halberd. He sold his noob armor, noob helmet, and noob pets to other noobs in order to get that halberd.
On his umpteenth try, itblobboy finally managed to get the halberd. It took big effort to do it, with him spending his life savings on slots. He no longer cared about Helmet Heroes; all he cared about was the halberd.
But itblobboy was happy.
Itblobboy immediately tried out his new halberd. He slashed bouncers with it, wounded dark beholders, and barely scratched repguanas because of the new damage formula.
But itblobboy was happy.
Itblobboy spent every moment of his life with his new halberd. Slept with it, killed with it, ate turkey with it, and carried it around everywhere. The halberd got dirty of course, and covered with rust and bacteria.
But itblobboy was happy. He had no money though, and needed to borrow from loan sharks who charged an interest rate of 50% per day. He was going in debt and slowly became unpopular. He was happy, but not happy enough.
Until one day, the halberd spoke to him.
“You can be rich and happy, my friend. I will grant you three wishes, and your wishes shall be granted, full guarantee.”
Itblobboy was ecstatic. Free money? Free happiness? Itblobboy was stunned at this sudden change in his life.
“How do I wish for things?” itblobboy asked, ready to do anything.
“You must bring me to Mushroom Village and stand on top of Carter’s Coconuts,” the halberd replied. “There, you can wish your three wants and I will grant them. Just shake the halberd and state your wish, and voila, there you go.”
Itblobboy immediately teleported to Mushroom Village and hopped up on top of Carter’s Coconuts on his fifth try. Then, shaking with excitement, itblobboy shook the halberd and shouted out, “I wish to be the richest person in Helmet Heroes!”
Nothing happened. Itblobboy spent a minute breathing hard, suspensefully waiting for something to happen. A minute stretched into two minutes, which stretched into ten minutes, then stretched to an hour. Itblobboy waited in vain for something to happen, but nothing did. Enraged, itblobboy threw the halberd onto the ground from the top of Carter’s Coconuts.
A low level noob retrieved it. But itblobboy didn’t care. He didn’t care that he had just released the halberd that he had spent his life savings on, the halberd that he had loved.
Itblobboy was not happy anymore.
He was about to explode when someone traded him, obviously a noob. Itblobboy accepted the trade, and yelled,”WHAT??!!” into the trade chat. He was about to unleash his full arsenal of swear words and bad thoughts when the noob offered six mithril shields.
“For free,” the noob said, “because I took your halberd.” Then the noob offered twenty billion coins along with it.
The noob’s name was NapoIeon, and itblobboy was infinitely grateful to him. He didn’t care about how NapoIeon had gotten those coins, all he cared about was the money. Itblobboy now had a chance to start his life in Helmet Heroes all over again, with newfound money.
Itblobboy clicked confirm, and so did the noob. All the money, all the items...now his. Itblobboy gave a wicked smile and sold all the mithril shields for 60% at shop price.
With a jolt, itblobboy realized that he was now the richest person in Helmet Heroes.
With another jolt, itblobboy realized that he still had two wishes left. But his halberd was gone, stolen from a noob - NapoIeon.
Itblobboy immediately tracked down NapoIeon and found him lurking at Shroom Passage, admiring the halberd. Enraged, itblobboy took out his only weapon left, a bronze knife, and stabbed NapoIeon in the spine.
Then through the eyes after pulling the knife out. He sliced NapoIeon’s head open and spilt all the gory blood that existed in the head. He then stabbed NapoIeon’s body numerous times along several points, until NapoIeon was no more than a shrivel of skin surrounded by a lake of blood.
But itblobboy was happy again. He had his halberd, and though it was covered by blood, itblobboy had gotten it.
By mere chance, it was at that precise moment when belding walked into Shroom Passage, witnessing the murder that had just occurred. Belding opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again.
“I’m going to report you, itblobboy,” belding spluttered out, and ran off in another direction. Itblobboy’s eyes bored into belding’s back, and he smirked. Nothing could stop itblobboy now.
Because itblobboy was happy. He had his halberd. And his money.
“I wish to be king, and no one can defy me.”
No comments:
Post a Comment