Advice, wisdom, and quotes

I will be posting advice, or words of wisdom, that have good advice or interesting quotes. If there isn't a name next to the advice/wisdom/quote, it either means I created it or I couldn't find the original owner.
-A penny saved is a penny that will fill up unneeded space in your change pocket. Fill up your pockets with quarters or dimes instead.
-It's good to start off your day with a smile.
-Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. (Mark Twain)
-If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month (Theodore Roosevelt)
-Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. (Margaret Mead)
-Everyone would agree with you if you were right.
-They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. (Clint Eastwood)
-The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. (Oscar Wilde)
-Fastest way to mess up a knock knock joke? "It's open."
-If a woman starts off the sentence with, "I find it funny how," 99% of the time she did not find that thing funny.
-The more periods a person writes after "ok..." the less okay things really are.
-Don't mess with people who have embarrassing photos of you.
-If you say LOL out loud instead of actually laughing, you should get out more often.
-For mother Prussia, I rise once more. (itblobboy)
-It doesn't matter what lies ahead of you or behind you, what matters is what lies within you. (itblobboy)
-Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
-Want some "friends?" Buy some gum and take a piece out at school.
-Honesty is an expensive gift; don't expect it from cheap people.
-Eat soup on cold days. (MisoSoup247)
-When running from a bear, you don't have to run faster than the bear. Just run faster than your friends.
-Intelligence is like underwear. You need it for life, but you don't show it off to any random stranger.
-If you need to shake the Pringles can upside-down in order to get the chips, it might be time to stop.
-Don't call people hypocrites hypocritically.
-The early word gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-Never trust someone who puts in the milk before the cereal for your breakfast.
-When you need to borrow money, borrow from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
-Never test the depth of a river with both feet.
-Be yourself. Unless you're a unicorn. Then be a unicorn.
-Eat it, don't tweet it. In other words, stop taking pics of your food and get to eating.
-Be happy.
-If you don't got the guts, don't do it.
-You should trust everything on the Internet, including this statement.